Marathon Mom

Seasons

2012-01-05T20:51:00.000-08:00

My mom found this picture a while ago and sent it to me. There is something about it that I just love. They say there are different seasons in life. Well I say there are seasons within seasons. I am obviously in the season of motherhood. But this picture brings back memories and feelings of a different season of motherhood than the one I'm in now. Back then I had 3 children, 4 years and under. Mothering was physically exhausting with 2 in diapers and a two year old who had frequent meltdowns. But I also got lots of hugs and slobbery kisses and as you can see I was a human jungle gym. Today, these three take more of my emotional energy with the squabbling and constant discipline and dealing with deeper issues as they get older. I am loving things about this current season also though. The deeper conversations, the growth of them and also me as a mother. Looking at this photo reminds me that I need to stop and enjoy each season even through the new challenges we face. And daily remind myself that as with anything in life, this time with them right now will change and pass and I will miss it and miss them at these ages. I want to grab this photo and hold on as tightly as I can to this memory and never let go.

Time Flies

2011-12-19T20:18:00.000-08:00

Six years ago we were blessed with our first daughter, Alaina Courtney. As we pulled out of the hospital parking lot to take her home, I turned to Gary and said, "I feel like our family is complete. Two boys and now a little girl." (Now we all know how that story ends.:)) But at the time, she was the perfect completion to our family. Time has flown by with her and here we are 6 years later. She's in Kindergarten and loving it. She's taking ballet and loving that too. And she has grown into such a sweet caring little girl. She's also a little spunky thing too. Whacking her brothers whenever she needs to stick up for herself. I love that about her too. I hope the next 6 years go by much slower than the last, but part of me can't wait to see what kind of a young lady she will become. So much to look forward to with her! Here she is with her new "friend" Molly, that she got for her birthday. Now both of them are tucked into their beds upstairs and hopefully our Lainy Lou is having sweet birthday dreams.

Written Word

2011-12-15T19:56:00.001-08:00

This is what I often find Brendan doing when I tuck him in at night. He's up on his bunk bed hunkered down reading the funnies. Every week his great grandma (my grandmother), sends him the comics along with a hand written note. Each week he eagerly opens his letter and often sits right down and writes her back. They exchange interests, daily happenings, and have even sent hand drawn pictures to each other. As she is getting older we are seeing her a little less and I'm thankful for this meaningful way of communicating. My grandmother still sits down and hand writes letters to friends and family. Everyone enjoys checking the mailbox and finding an envelope written in someone's handwriting waiting for them. It's personal. In this day of increasing technology I still enjoy holding an actual newspaper or book in hand to read. A hand written letter? Even better. I'm so thankful that my grandmother is still here with us and is able to pass on something that is very important to her generation.....the hand written word.

Different

2011-11-21T20:53:00.001-08:00

In high school my personalized license plate read, YBNORML. Later on in college it read, BURSELF. I always wanted to be unique and different. Whether or not I achieved that at that young age, I don't know. But I do admire other people who are "one of a kind".

My son Nolan is one of those people. Tonight he was frustrated about how hard school is and said to me, "I wish I wasn't different. I want to be like everyone else." He has also expressed to me that he, "hates his life with autism." In the last year he has started realizing that he is not quite like his peers. It breaks my heart when he makes comments like these, because I wouldn't change his uniqueness for anything. Would I take away his struggles? Of course. But I wouldn't change him, his quirky ways, his blunt honesty, or the way he bounces around with no inhibitions just because he is truly and purely overjoyed about something in his little world. So as his mother, I have to figure out how to take these frustrations he's having and turn them around. I want him to celebrate who he is and be proud of the fact that he is unique. I know I am. And I am so blessed to be his mother.

Focus

2011-10-19T20:01:00.000-07:00

Nolan has made so much progress since he was a little guy. Just the other night he asked to read to me (which he never does), and I sat down to listen. As he read in his robot monotone voice, my eyes welled with tears. I didn't focus on the fact that he is way behind his peers. Nor did I think about the ever widening gap between him and his friends. I focused on the fact that he was READING.......to me. If I let myself dwell on the "what ifs" and the "if onlys" and the "whys" all the time, I would fret with worry and feel discouraged. Instead I'm going to focus on right now and how far he has come and all of the obstacles he's worked through. I've been thinking a lot lately about how I'm choosing to direct my focus. As a runner, when I run a longer race, I guess I take a similar approach. I try not to focus on how many more miles I have left, but how many I've already accomplished. Nolan has a long race ahead of him, but I'm going to focus on the miles he's already conquered.

Humbled

2011-10-07T19:04:00.000-07:00

"It's so easy being good!", Alaina declared about 2 weeks after school started. She hadn't had to pull a color yet and still hasn't since. But I quickly deflated her head a little and gave her some words of caution, "Be careful, because one day you might be talking to a friend without thinking while your teacher is teaching and she might ask you to pull a color." One of my goals as a mother is to make sure my kids are humble. As special as I think my kiddos are, they will not be under the false notion that they can do no wrong or that they know everything. We all fall short of being perfect. The sooner we realize that, the better off we are. I am proud of Alaina for being an obedient student and like the fact that she is excited about being "good". But as I work on being a more humble person, I will be helping my children be more humble too.

An Open Window

2011-09-30T14:39:00.000-07:00

I am loving this weather and this time of year. And so is someone else. If there is an open window, Miss Nosey Pants is peering out trying to see what everyone is up to. She loves feeling the wind in her face and having her brothers and sister and neighbor kids come by and tell her hello through the window. She feels like she is part of the "gang". Too bad her legs are too short to see out the back window.

Choices

2011-09-27T18:58:00.000-07:00

So I have had a really stinky rotten attitude lately. And last week it came to a head when I confessed my horrible attitude to a close group of non judging friends. I feel guilty for feeling so negative when I know and am thankful for so many things in my life. And I see people everywhere around me facing hardships that I don't have to endure. But ever since my little meltdown, I am feeling much better about things. I am CHOOSING to feel better and to have a better attitude. Because I believe it is a choice. There is always something to be thankful for in every situation even if you can't see it right away. I am also CHOOSING to be content. Because frankly, that is a choice too.

I am reading a really good book called The Power of a Positive Mom and this passage really struck a chord with me: "Contentment is the opposite of self-pity. If our hearts are content because we trust in God as our loving provider, then we'll tend to keep our eyes off our troubles. But if we dwell on our wants or our difficulties (great or small), we will lose sight of the provisions God is granting us." For me, that says it all.

I Have a Confession

2011-08-28T21:34:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Jill Lynn Rogers and I DON'T have it all together. My house isn't perfect, my marriage isn't perfect, my kids aren't perfect, my life isn't perfect. I fall short every single day. I struggle with worry, doubt, and anger. And that is why I am thankful for Forgiveness, Grace and Hope and the Knowledge of wonderful and glorious things to come in my eternal future. My God gets me up in the morning and my God gets me through every day. I try my best, but I always know I have room for improvement. I can be an even better wife, mother, sister, daughter, friend, and child of God.

"May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father encourage you and strengthen you in every good thing you do and say. God loved us, and through his grace he gave us a good hope and encouragement that continues forever."
~2 Thessalonians 16-17

A Day of Firsts

2011-08-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

I sent my children off to school today. It was a day of firsts around here. Alaina's first day of Kindergarten and Brendan's first day of Middle School. I think I was a tad more sad about Brendan than Alaina. Where has the time gone? Seems just like yesterday they were toddlers.

I keep telling them to stop growing.

But they are not listening.

I can't believe Brendan is a tween. Slow down, son. Slow down.

Do Over

2011-08-21T20:09:00.000-07:00

I would like to request a do over for summer. One where I'm hardly yelling and the kids are bickering less. Oh, and where I'm doing educational and meaningful activities with my kids EVERY SINGLE DAY. Seriously though, there were some things I wanted to do with them that didn't get done this summer. Like I was going to do "Art Wednesdays". And guess what? There was not a single Wednesday this whole summer where an art project was produced. Okay, maybe I'm being too hard on myself. Our summer was filled with a wonderful trip to Colorado, lots of fun camps for the kids and just plain spending time together. This picture pretty much sums up what we spent the majority of the summer doing.

Part of me is sad to send them off to school in a few days. So, part of me still wants a do over.

Wrapped Around Her Finger

2011-08-17T19:40:00.001-07:00

This is what he was doing a year ago with her.

And this is what he does now.

I wonder what they will be doing together a year from now? I envision him chasing after her and her squealing with delight.

The Housewife of Leavenworth County

2011-08-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

At 10:00 this morning I was awoken by breakfast in bed. My maid brought me my slippers and I lounged around for a few hours reading my favorite book, while she took care of the laundry and my four children. Of course, they were cordial and didn't bother me once while I was reading. I then munched on my favorite dark chocolate truffles while the said maid swept and mopped my kitchen floor and scrubbed my bathrooms sparkly clean. I then went for a LONG jog and came home to eat a gourmet lunch BY MYSELF. The rest of my afternoon consisted of a long nap and a few hours of painting, again uninterrupted. Dinner was served and the children were put to bed without me lifting a finger. My day of rest was complete.

Sounds wonderful, right?

Okay, so here is what a day looks like in the life of The REAL Housewife of Leavenworth County:

I am awoken early by a baby who wants to nurse. I stumble downstairs and barely get my cup of coffee going, when my kiddos start making requests for breakfast. I get them fed and put in a load of laundry. I DRAG my four children to the track in the heat so I can get my run in. About every few laps I hear, "Are you almost done?" When I finish running (because that makes me a happy mommy), we come home and I scrub the bathroom and put in ANOTHER load of laundry. While keeping the baby out of ALL of the cabinets within her reach, I break up a squabble between the older ones and attempt to whip up some lunch. I clean up from lunch, sweep, and fold laundry and then get everyone settled in their own space for some wonderful, blissful, quiet time. Then I am brutally awakened by ANOTHER squabble. Sigh. I quickly slather all four children with sunscreen and off we go to the pool where I follow my little chubsters around while she explores the waters and the older kids swim. Then home we go where I whip up a NONGOURMET meal. After dinner I wait for my hubby to get home. Then a few hours later while he's collapsed in his recliner from exhaustion, I tuck all four kids into bed. Then I follow suit, collapsing into my recliner where I try to read my favorite book without falling asleep.

Now which housewife would you choose to be if you had the choice? Me? I choose the REAL housewife. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'll take the kids hanging all over me, in my face, always needing something, over the loneliness of the first housewife. It's much more rewarding and worth every ounce of energy it takes. And when all of my children are gone, I will miss it and want to do it all over again.

Mama Bear

2011-07-24T20:53:00.000-07:00

It is so hard as a mother to see your kids picked on and treated wrongly. It makes your blood boil and makes you want to spit fire. Just as an actual mama bear viciously protects her cubs, we automatically want to protect our children from everything. We are their best advocates and defenders. So when does it become innappropriate to intervene on their behalf?

Picture this. The other day I was in the pool relaxing with Natalie when I looked over at Nolan waiting in line to go off the diving board. He was enthusiastically talking to a teenage boy about something. And for those of us who know Nolan, when he is excited, everyone around him knows. He jumped up and down and excitedly brought his hands up to his face in a fist. After a minute of talking, the teenager proceeded to completely mock and imitate Nolan right to his face. My stomach immediately fell, my heart started racing, and I wanted to cry for him. I wanted to march on over there and give that boy a piece of my mind. "He has autism! That's why he's hopping around. Don't make fun of him!", I wanted to shout. But I paused. I watched and waited to see what would transpire. And nothing else did. So I later casually asked Nolan if someone was making fun of him over by the diving boards. And he was oblivious to the whole situation. He was so excited over what he was telling the teenager, that he didn't even notice him mocking him.

Now as I look back, I wish I would have pulled the boy aside, away from Nolan and explained the situation calmly to him. I wish I would have opened his little teenage mind to educate him a little about autism. But at that moment, I was seeing red so there would have been nothing calm about my response. This parenting gig is so hard sometimes! I just want to put my kids in a bubble and protect them from everything and everyone bad in this world. But it doesn't work like that. I just pray that they learn from experiences like these. That they learn to treat others kindly and fairly. And I pray for the wisdom and insight to handle situations like God wants me to. I sure know I can't do it on my own!

One Liners

2011-07-18T20:56:00.001-07:00

To Whom He May Have Offended,

I would like to apologize for my son these days. He is in the habit of spouting off one liners. These one liners are mostly from movies that he watches. And his movie of choice these days is one of the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movies. You see, I've kind of resorted to lazy parenting lately. Him watching this movie over and over again, day after day results in an hour and a half of blissful SILENCE. So he may sound rude and blunt as he recites movie lines, but he means well. That's his way of conversing with people when he doesn't know what to talk about. It's just his way. I'm not making excuses for him. I'm just explaining why he says what he says. So if he says something totally off the wall, which he often does, just smile, nod, and say, "That's nice." It's probably a line out of a movie.

Sincerely,

Nolan's Mom

Another Chance

2011-07-12T21:29:00.000-07:00

After many years of discussing having a fourth child, Gary and I were blessed with a pregnancy in July of 2009. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage on July 12th of that year. Exactly a year later to the day, our fourth child, Natalie Annelle was born. A year ago today she came into the world weighing 7 lbs. 10 oz. and was welcomed into the world by her 3 older siblings. God gave us another chance to be parents again. I choose not to see her being born a year later as a coincidence. I choose to see it as a blessing from God. An answered prayer. She is the perfect completion to our family. And she has brought all of us even closer together. She makes us laugh every day as she develops into her own little person. She's goofy, happy, and curious, and keeps all of us on our toes. We couldn't imagine our lives without her. Happy 1st birthday to my baby girl.

First Time Mom

2011-07-04T20:19:00.000-07:00

Ten years ago today, I became a mother for the first time. Brendan William Rogers was born two weeks early weighing 8 lbs. 2oz. And my life changed forever. It changed for the better. I became a little less selfish and a lot more selfless. Gary and I went from a couple to a family. I wanted and prayed for a boy first, and God answered those prayers. He is now ten years later a thoughtful, tender-hearted boy who cares so much about his family. He is witty, smart, and creative and loves trying new things that interest him. I tell him on a regular basis that God gave him to us first for a reason. He is the perfect first born child and usually steps up to his big brother roll. (This includes the typical big brother whopping on little brother.:)) I am proud to be his mom. Even though I sometimes long for those days when he was a toddler traipsing around in his colorful galoshes, I also look forward to seeing him as a young man some day. Happy Birthday to my firstborn son!

Ode to My Second Born

2011-06-17T21:22:00.000-07:00

Eight years ago tomorrow (30 minutes from now), we were blessed with our second son, Nolan Laytham Rogers. Because he was breech, he was taken by C-section 2 weeks early and weighed 8 lbs. 12 oz. Our lives forever changed. We now had two boys to enjoy. Since that day, it has truly been a joy to be his mother. He has taught me more about life than any of my other children. We have had our challenges along the way, but they pale in comparison to the joys, laughter, and love he has brought into Gary and I's lives. He has overcome so much in the last several years of his life and will have to overcome many more obstacles in life for the years to come. But his family will be here right alongside him. Just a few of the things we love about Nolan:

*The simple things in life bring him happiness.

*He is a hard worker.

*He is sharp and witty.

*He loves to be around other people.

*He would sweep your driveway, take your trash out, rake your yard, or vacuum your house in a heartbeat.

*What you see is what you get. He is an open book. And I love that about him. (Most of the time.:))

*He wears his heart on his sleeve.

*He loves his brother and sisters with all his heart. Their relationship is not perfect, but it will last for their whole lives.

*And he loves God.

Happy 8th birthday to my sweet son, Nolan!

Life in Moderation

2011-06-16T21:14:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about how life in moderation can help me live life to its fullest. Sounds funny, right? Let me explain. Over five months ago I started accounting for every piece of food I put into my mouth. I started eating in moderation and the results are better than I even hoped for. I feel better, have more energy, and can enjoy my life more. Especially when it comes to doing things with my kids. Now I'm looking to other areas in my life where I can do things more moderately. Next up, monitoring what comes out of my mouth. Proverbs 18:20-21 says, "People will be rewarded for what they say; they will be rewarded by how they speak. What you say can mean life or death. Those who speak with care will be rewarded." This is a CONSTANT struggle for me, especially on those more stressful days as a mother. I am sometimes disappointed in myself at what has come out of my mouth. The words and tone of voice that have not been spoken with care. I am trying to be more mindful about what I say and how I say it. I am a work in progress. And thankfully those loved ones around me are forgiving and love me despite my shortcomings.

Journal for My Kids

2011-03-09T07:06:00.000-08:00

After rehashing my blog a few months ago out of boredom, I realized that this place here is a pretty good way to "journal" and document life for my kids. When they are older, hopefully they'll take a gander at some of my thoughts and passions for life and know me better. So after a year of not posting, here I am again.

These paintings right here are the results of a color study I did on miniature canvases. This was the last time I sat down to create, which was over a YEAR ago. I will eventually get back to finding my creative outlet. Life is just busy and a little overwhelming at times right now. But I wouldn't change it for anything. And as a mother I am Blessed to see the ultimate Creator's handiwork in each one of my children. During those stressful mothering moments, I need to step back and remember that they are His masterpieces given especially to my husband and I as a gift. I read a quote about creation a while back that really spoke to me. It's by Max Lucado:

"The hand behind it was mighty. He is mighty. And with this might, He created. As naturally as a bird sings and a fish swims, He created. Just as an artist can't not paint and a runner can't not run, He couldn't not create. He was the Creator. Through and through, He was the Creator. A tireless dreamer and designer." So beautiful and so true.

Sunrise Sunrise

2010-02-18T06:02:00.000-08:00

Last night Nolan told me he wanted to see the sun this morning. So on our day off from school, he woke up at the painfully early time of 6:20. After making him stay in bed until after 7, he quickly put on his coat and shuffled outside in his old man slippers, pjs, and coat to watch the sunrise. I watched him from the kitchen window. He stood very still and actually watched the sun rise over the eastern horizon. For a boy who is constantly moving and getting into things, he amazes me sometimes. He stops to notice details in things and takes joy and pleasure in the simple things in life. This is one of my many wishes and prayers for my children, to notice and take joy in simple things, like nature. Things that other people might just hurry by and not notice or pay attention to. And most importantly to see God's handiwork all around them....like in a sunrise.

Faux Stained Glass

2010-01-18T06:51:00.000-08:00

This past weekend we had our annual gift exchange for my art club. We each drew a name and created a gift for that person. The theme was, "All that glitters". So upon walking through Hobby Lobby I came upon these really cool glass blocks that you can paint on, do collage, or fill with different items. I was inspired to paint one and put a light source inside to make it "glitter". I decided to try a faux stained glass paint technique. I would like to try it again on a bigger glass block. I think my technique needs some work. The painted flower was inspired by Georgia O'Keefe because the friend I created it for is originally from New Mexico.

Someone's in the attic.....

2010-01-07T05:40:00.000-08:00

Yep, someone is in the attic....and it's Nolan these days. For the last several months his new area of intense interest has been attics. That and old houses. Hey, I'm glad he has an appreciation for history. Ever since we went on a tour of our deceased great Aunt Peggy's 130 year old house, he has been in awe of attics. He could tell you which of his teachers at school has an attic, if there are stairs or a ladder leading up there, if there is a light, and if they utilize the space. And ours happens to be easily accessible so guess where I find him some days? You guessed it, the attic. If I need something put away up there, he's my man! So for several days of good behavior and no meltdowns, he earned another tour of Aunt Peggy's house. And I have pictures to prove it.

I do love this little boy. He is so unique and has such a passionate nature about him. And I love how he shares his passions with EVERYONE around him!

I'm Back

2009-12-17T18:45:00.000-08:00

Here I am almost 2 months later. For some reason I have had an aversion to blogging. Sadly, I had wanted to do this follow up post 2 months ago to share the artwork inspired by the touching photo of Brendan helping his daddy. I wanted to try to do scratchboard again since I hadn't attempted it since high school. Scratchboard is a board covered with a thin black layer. You use a sharp tool to scratch away to the white, sometimes silver underlying layer. It was difficult for me to demonstrate texture and depth, but I had fun trying! So here is my rendition of one of my favorite photos on scratchboard.

A Captured Moment

2009-10-28T08:28:00.000-07:00

I am definitely a sentimentalist. Sometimes to a fault. I have a hard time getting rid of things, because I'm afraid I'll be letting go of memories. I'm so wistful sometimes, it is sickening. So I have to share this captured moment. A picture snapped during such a simple task between father and son. I look at this, and I want to weep. Weep for those days, several years ago when my oldest, Brendan was a toddler. Some days I wish I could just rewind....

Sweet Joy

2009-10-15T10:43:00.000-07:00

Ordinary Day

Old truck holding something special

Can't hold back

Must express himself

Explosion of pure joy

Sweet Relief

Quality Time

2009-10-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

Since my husband has been working long hours, he has been trying to spend one-on-one quality time with each of the kids. Each child has different interests and values their time with their daddy in a different way. For Nolan, he took him to wash and put gas in his truck. And Nolan loved this! He even "wrote" about it in his journal at school. Alaina is content with riding in daddy's truck to go get ice cream. One Sunday afternoon, Brendan wanted to build something with his dad, so the two of them went up to the lumber store and whipped this up from scratch. Of course, it's nothing to my husband who is a carpenter. But I was impressed, because I could never do this.

Notice the sad eyes because this was taken right before my husband went back to work. Brendan has a hard time every week when he leaves to go back to work. But, it won't be like this forever. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On another note, can I just say that parenthood is so hard sometimes! I am really struggling right now with making the best decisions for my kids. It is so hard to know what to do for them. I just pray daily that I make the right choices for them so that they can learn to their full potential and grow up to be the men that God intends for them to be. I know He has a plan for them....I know that full well.

Gas Stations

2009-09-01T19:22:00.001-07:00

Okay, I haven't posted for awhile, so I'm dusting off this blog to write about a very important subject in our house these days. You ready....gas stations! Yes, we talk about gas stations all day long here. And we also talk about them in detail when we drive by them. And we drive certain routes to drive by our most favorite gas station which happens to be Phillips 66. The one in our town is deserted and closed and I get to hear about it ALL of the time. Every week Nolan chooses the gas station to get gas at and washes the windows while the gas pumps. Don't worry folks, I have him step away from the toxic fumes. Let's just say it is the highlight of his week! And being the uber cool mom I am, I took him to the working Phillips 66 in a town nearby to pump gas as a reward. He informed me that there was another Phillips 66 in this town over on Iowa street. And sure enough the other day I spotted it. He's an AMAZING kid who takes an AMAZING amount of patience, but he sure does make me chuckle every day!

Summer Woes

2009-06-17T13:43:00.000-07:00

We have really done a lot of fun things so far on our Summer break. I love being off with my kids and just enjoying them.... truly I do. However, some days are harder than others. I'm not a Pollyanna, Peachy Keen, Hunky Dorey type of mom, so let me just lay it all out there. They have been fighting like cats and dogs! And fighting kids+more fighting+more fighting=CRAZY MOM. I know it's completely "normal", but by the end of the day I'm at the end of my rope and can't take another quarrel. The other evening I was telling Brendan how tired I was of all the fighting. And he looked at me and said, "We fight all the time." Then he started wailing, "But I still love him!" I am so impressed by these statements. Statements of love that do come out of my kids' mouths. My sister wouldn't admit she loved me until after she left for college!:) Hee, hee. But I do know without a doubt she loves me now. So I just try to focus on the fact that they do enjoy each other even amidst these seasons of fighting. And I have proof...

Organization....or Lack Thereof

2009-06-09T06:09:00.000-07:00

Recently my workaholic husband took a WHOLE week off. And during this week he went on a organizing frenzy. In one day he purchased a label maker, binders, and paper shredder. In my opinion, a label maker is a true sign of an organized person. I feel that in a marriage there needs to be lots of compromises. One of the compromises in our marriage has been that he needs to let go of some of the organized clutter going on in our house, and I need to try a little harder to stay organized. Honestly, I just don't think that way. I am a scatterbrain! I can't help it. But I do try. However, sometimes I just don't see things the way he sees them. For instance, we were putting the groceries away one evening and as we opened the cabinets he just shook his head and pointed out the obvious, which I didn't notice. I just laughed and of course, took a picture. Maybe he just faced way to many shelves at the grocery store where he worked as a teenager.....or maybe it's just me.

A New Medium

2009-05-04T06:32:00.000-07:00

For our last art project for our art club the theme was, "Something is Missing." I've been wanting to try mosaics for a while now and thought I would give it a try. So I asked my husband to build me a frame for a mirror. He cracks me up, because I always have a simple idea in mind. And being the perfectionist carpenter that he is, he always exceeds my expectations. And he takes my projects very seriously. We make a good team! I enjoyed doing this mosaic mirror for Alaina's room and will definitely be working with mosaics again very soon. And the "Something Missing" is a pattern. I was going to make a picture out of the glass, but the tiles that I purchased didn't cut very well. So I just chose a random placement and I think it turned out nicely. Alaina was so excited for her new mirror and enjoys making silly faces in it!

The Highest

2009-04-20T21:01:00.000-07:00

While on our visit to New England last Fall I was just in awe of all of the Church steeples everywhere. And I immediately felt at home when I saw them. I've been wanting to write a poem about them ever since my visit.....

I traveled home and there you were,
An unexpected treasure.
Everywhere I looked, your graceful white steeples,
Soaring and peeking over treetops,
Reaching elegantly towards the Heavens,
As if saying, “Here I am. I will not be forgotten.”
These villages were built around you.
In a time of radical change and turmoil,
Firmly you stood and still stand.
A comforter in a time of need.
I saw your beacon of light and felt a warmth flood through me.
I was home.
And there you were, my Inspiration, as always.

My 2 Different Little Boys

2009-04-08T06:24:00.001-07:00

From what I've been told by SEVERAL teachers, this is how Nolan is at school most of the time. They say, "He's always so happy." I am so thankful for this! This is truly an answered prayer. Now, depending on the week, this is what I see at home AFTER school.

Last week was one of those weeks. We had a meltdown every single day after school, sometimes on and off into the evening. He has therapy 4 days a week after school and I know he's already been working hard at school all day long. Having taught myself, I also realize children act differently for their teachers and parents. It's still frustrating though. And I can only take so much. So after holding it together and remaining calm for awhile, I can reach my breaking point. That is when I just pray...out loud. And it helps so much! I am so thankful that God is there for me in my EVERY need. And I am so thankful for my little boy, every little bit of him, grumpy and happy.

Cruel Joke

2009-04-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

This is what I found after rushing upstairs in response to blood curdling screams. Now how did Brendan's remote control tarantula end up in Alaina's bed? Hmmmm. Could it be perhaps her older brother torturing her due to the fact that she is deathly afraid of anything creepy crawly? Oh how he truly does love his little sister....but he just couldn't resist.

Running Plans

2009-03-29T19:38:00.000-07:00

Because of illness in my running buddy's family, we are not doing an organized half marathon now. We are however, going to run our own private half marathon. We are still training, we will just have to bump it back a few weeks. We are looking for fun names for our race if there are any suggestions? Tomorrow I am running 10 miles by myself while my children are at school. Thank goodness for my IPOD which, by the way, has a wide variety of music on it. I have Christian alternative, celtic, folk, bluegrass, and rock. The only criteria is, it-must-keep-me-GOING! I do plan to Gu up halfway at mile 5 and hopefully the wind is not a deterrent. Next weekend I am running in a relay race and I am running 2 legs, AND I am the slowest one on the team. Hope they don't think we're breaking any records! I am just thankful and grateful to be out in the Spring air. I truly enjoy it!

My Big Girl and Her Bitty Baby

2009-03-19T08:20:00.000-07:00

For her 3rd birthday, we bought Alaina her first American Girl doll. We decided on the Bitty Baby because she is younger and it was much more affordable. Plus, she LOVES to play with babies. Several family members went in on the gift with us, which included the baby with the same eye and hair color as Alaina, a backpack to tote the baby in, a blanket, matching pjs for the baby and Alaina, a bottle, a bib, and two extra outfits. These dolls are of really good quality and Alaina loves having matching pajamas. She chooses this doll over every other doll she has, and she has several dolls to choose from. When she gets older, if she wants, we would like to get her the larger doll version which is quite pricey. I foresee many fun years with this doll. I highly recommend it!

Don't Worry, It's Not Child Labor

2009-03-11T19:50:00.000-07:00

If you walk into our elementary school, you may see a jolly, freckly-faced little fellow pushing a mop down the hallway alongside the school's custodian. Mr. Muskodian is what Nolan calls him. He's had a fascination with both the custodians all year long. So his teacher had the brilliant idea of having him help "Mr. Muskodian" as a reward for working extra hard. And Nolan has been thrilled! Since typical rewards don't interest him, this is right up his alley. He is currently involved in a research study at KU, involving teaching social skills to children with autism using different teaching strategies. So the students working with him asked me what motivates him. I promptly said, "Ceiling fans." They thought I was joking. Uh....not. As I was walking down the hallway at school today, I introduced myself to "Mr. Muskodian" as Nolan's mother. He was so pleased to have Nolan help him, and I think he is really enjoying being useful in that way also. I am so thankful for Nolan's Kindergarten teacher. She is so creative, supportive, and resourceful!

Superhero

2009-03-05T20:02:00.000-08:00

A little boy in a black cape
Leaping tree houses in a single bound.
Pure joy bursts from this superhero
As he flies round and round.
With his freckly face and bouncy step
He brings smiles to whoever he sees.
He dreams of touching the stars from heaven
And meeting the Doctor of Peace.
He's quirky, moody, fast-paced, and flighty
As all superheroes can be.
He's not worried what others think
From his own world it's hard to flee.
He saves people by being a light
And shows them a unique way of living.
This superhero is a gift from heaven
Direct from the Father of giving.

March 2009

Boo to Me.....

2009-02-23T19:35:00.000-08:00

After one week of not sticking to my not eating after 9, I have gotten nowhere. Ugh, my willpower is very sad. Oh well, I'll keep plugging along, cutting back here and there and see what happens. In the meantime I'm dragging those 10 pounds along every time I run. Our 7 mile did go very well, so we'll see...

On another note, a month ago I took a class at The Merc, a whole foods store. It was a class on natural options for children with ADHD and Autism. Even though it was an overwhelming amount of information, I learned many useful things. They gave us a list of the most and least contaminated fruits and vegetables and suggested buying the most contaminated ones organic. So I thought I'd share:

12 Most Contaminated Fruits & Vegetables (Buy Organic)

1. Peaches
2. Apples
3. Sweet Bell Pepper
4. Celery
5. Nectarines
6. Strawberries
7. Cherries
8. Lettuce
9. Grapes-Imported
10. Pears
11. Spinach
12. Potatoes

12 Least Contaminated Fruits & Vegetables

1. Onions
2. Avocado
3. Sweet Corn-frozen
4. Pineapples
5. Mango
6. Sweet peas-frozen
7. Asparagus
8. Kiwi
9. Bananas
10. Cabbage
11. Broccoli
12. Eggplant

Since this class, I have started giving my boys pure fish oil, magnesium, and B-6 vitamins. All of these promote brain function. Specifically, the magnesium acts as a calming agent. I must say in the last month I have noticed an increased focus/attention and calmness in both of my boys. Nolan will now sit through any book I read to him. He doesn't look at it the whole time, but he gets something out of every book I read to him. He will also sit and write for a longer amount of time. This is very exciting for us! The challenge has been getting them to take their "cocktails", as I refer to them. I have mixed the cod liver oil, magnesium powder and B-6 in smoothies, V-8 Fusion, and Sprite. Brendan prefers to take the cod liver oil in a chewable soft gel form. Nordic Naturals makes them in a strawberry flavor. I also give Alaina the gummy fish bites which aren't as natural. I will try every little bit I can to help, and would recommend a class like this one to anyone who has children who struggle.

Here We Go Again

2009-02-15T13:52:00.000-08:00

This weekend I started the official training for a half marathon. It is in April, and this will be my 6th half marathon. Fortunately, I am training with two fun ladies which is so much more motivating than training on my own. I am excited to be working towards a goal. However, I have a slight problem. I'm dragging around a load of extra weight. I can handle the mileage I'm doing, I just feel like I'm running with my legs in cement. So, I'm officially committing to losing 10 pounds. I could definitely stand to lose atleast twice that amount, but you'd be surprised how much difference 10 less pounds can make when you're running. First thing on the agenda, no eating after 9:00. I am horrible about snacking on chips, crackers, cheese, and chocolate all hours into the night. Isn't that just awful?! So, I am going to snack on nuts while I'm doing my nightly reading instead. Wish me luck! So maybe I'll be carrying around a few less pounds next weekend when we do our next long run which will be 7 miles. I'll let you know....

He Has a Dream

2009-02-02T20:22:00.001-08:00

As I'm on the phone with a friend this afternoon, I hear the oh so pleasant sound of Nolan's screeching coming from the backyard. I high-tailed it outside to find him frantically lining up some lawn chairs to give his "speech". Lately he has been just a little bit obsessed with Martin Luther King Jr. He says, "Martin Luther King Jr. dreamed of peace." And he asks, "Is MLK Jr. in heaven?" and "Does MLK Jr. wear a watch?" The list of questions and comments goes on and on. So needless to say, he was upset that the neighborhood kids did not want to sit in the lawn chairs and listen to his "speech". He's been carrying this book around for 2 weeks and is extremely upset whenever it turns up missing. I even caught him the other day standing on top of a wooden table getting ready to give his "speech" on his "stage". All I have to say is what a wonderful role model for him to have right now! Nolan has a dream.....to be Martin Luther King Jr.!

I-AM-A-ROBOT

2009-01-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

My son Brendan is the proverbial trash collector, always hoarding leftover boxes, bottles, and other used trinkets. He uses these items for his "inventions". And he feels like he is contributing to the recycling cause by using these items in a new way. He does have a point. For this particular "creation", as we call them around here, he made a list of items and collected and stored them around the house like a squirrel scavenging and storing nuts for the winter. And finally one day, we had ourselves a rather large robot which he promptly hid in while serving a pop tart to his father through the hole which you will notice in the front. Daddy is smarter than that son. Now who am I to squash the ambitions of a 7 year old boy, regardless of the trash...I mean treasures... that lay in waiting around our house for the next inventions? So I came up with the idea to take pictures of his inventions and creations and to put them in a photo album where he can journal about them. Then when trash day comes our little robot friend can march on out to the curb and Brendan will have the photo as a memory. He is by the way, currently reading a biography of Thomas Edison right now, which I'm sure is very inspiring to the young lad. He recently asked me if there were still new inventions today, and I brought up the oh so clever "Snuggie", the blanket that you wear. He said, "Ah, that's a boring invention". I have to say I agree with him. His inventions are much more interesting and clever!

A Major Breakthrough

2009-01-08T18:50:00.000-08:00

I am so excited to say that Nolan has written his name independently 3 different times now! Yeah!! This is a HUGE accomplishment after over 2 years of practice...laborious practice. I have yet to see him in action because he saves it for school and once he gets home I have a very difficult time getting him to practice schoolwork. I'm sure it's because he works extremely hard all day at school. This is an answered prayer because I have been very worried about his writing skills. This is a huge step forward for him to become a writer. I am so proud of him and I am looking forward to all of his achievements, little and big!

My Proudest Moment

2008-12-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

My proudest moment yet as a mom was the day Brendan got baptized. He had been asking to be baptized for almost a year and I wanted to make sure he was ready. After many tearful heartfelt conversations with him about what it means to be a Christian, I decided he was probably ready. His first try he got "hot feet", not cold feet. The pastor introduced him and he went to step down in the water and it was too hot. (He's very sensitive to temperatures.) So two weeks later we made sure the water was just right and he was baptized. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was 10, and Brendan has taught me that you can't put an age limit on when a person is ready. I am so proud of him for making the most important decision he will EVER make in his life, and my prayer for him is that he will grow up to be a Godly man who lives his life in accordance with God's will.

Siblings

2008-12-17T20:43:00.000-08:00

I am just truly amazed at each one of my children. God planned and placed them each so perfectly and carefully in this world. Each of my children compliment and give so much to each other. I can not imagine one without the others. Sure there's a lot of bickering and a little competition amongst them. But I look at them, and I am so thankful they have each other. One day Brendan said to me, "Mom, when I get older Nolan can live with me because he has autism. And I'll live next door to you so your backyard can be my backyard." I have told him many times that friends will come and go but he will ALWAYS have his brother and sister. Just tonight Brendan was upset and in tears because he felt he had failed to help Nolan at a church function. What a lot to rest on a little 7 year old's shoulders. But I was so proud that he cares that deeply for him. I always feel sad when I see grown siblings who aren't close at all. I know it's complicated, but I am going to try my best to instill in my children the importance of having a close relationship with each other. It's my job as their mother. And I pray that they always have each other...through thick and thin.

New Milestone

2008-11-30T18:45:00.000-08:00

Of course after my previous post, Nolan had to prove me wrong. On Thanksgiving he put his own shoes on, and has done it everyday since. Also, we took the risk and took him to Home Depot.:) To his delight, we purchased a new ceiling fan for our bedroom. He made one small comment about the vacuums and spent the rest of the time obsessing over their selection of automatic musical snow globes. He hounded my husband about installing the ceiling fan all day. When it was finally up, every time I 'd walk upstairs the fan would be going. I'd turn it off because IT'S TOO COLD. And then it'd be on again. I wonder who the little elf is in our house who keeps turning the fan on???

You Know You Have a Child With Autism....

2008-11-25T18:01:00.000-08:00

....when you have to drive a certain way home to see the car up on jacks for the umpteenth time!

....when every light in the house has to be on because this is part of his routine and how things should be in his mind.

....when you constantly hear doors opening and closing upstairs in your house, aahhhhhh!

....when your Kindergartner isn't even close to writing his own name or putting his own shoes on.

....when you avoid Home Depot because all of his favorite things are there..vacuums, ceiling fans, dryers, brooms...and he wants to tell everyone about them...and he has a really loud voice.:)

....when you have to pretend to sweep him up in a dustpan just like on "Honey I Shrunk the Kids" which is currently one of the only movies he'll watch....and he's been watching it for about 3 months now.:)

....when he pushes his freckly face right up in yours to tell you something because he has little concept of personal space.:)

....when he wears the same hat 24 hours a day for 2 months straight....excluding bathtime but including bedtime. We had to "wean" him off of the hat.:)

....when he has to watch "Different Strokes" every morning because for some reason he can relate to Arnold.:)

....when you walk on eggshells around him because you never know how he's going to react to or handle certain situations and changes.

....when he says whatever is on his mind...whenever he feels like it....honestly and sincerely whether it's appropriate or not.

....when at home he CONSTANTLY needs to be by your side or know where you are in the house...which is why he is snuggling up next to me right now while I write this post.

....when something really upsets him and he has a huge meltdown....and you don't find out what upset him until a few months later because he can't communicate his feelings like a typical child can.

....when you cry over the littlest accomplishments because you know how hard he has worked to get them.

....and finally, when you feel so proud of him you can actually feel your heart swell.

She Already Has Style

2008-11-19T07:20:00.000-08:00

After having two boys, it still amazes me how Alaina really enjoys dressing up. She's not quite 3 and she has really been into shoes, dresses, purses, and jewelry for a long time now. Where do they get this from? And how do I keep this from escalating into the teenage years! I have a 14 year old niece and she is already high-maintenance. I mentally tell myself, "My daughter will not be getting these things when she is this age." I was a pretty low-maintenance teenager and still consider myself pretty low-key when it comes to fashion. I just recently purchased mascara for the first time in several years after deciding to live on "The Wild Side." Just two days ago, before we left for school Alaina had changed her shoes 4 different times. Yes, she does have 4+ pairs of shoes, a couple of which were found at a garage sale. Last Sunday at church she was admiring another little girl's red fir coat. And her favorite colors happen to be pink and red! If I am wearing my red shoes and using my red purse, she has to wear her red shoes and use her red purse. It is so sweet how she already wants to be like me. However, she won't be looking to me for fashion sense! I love having a daughter and watching her grow. She's got such a personality and she's has a nice sweetness mixed with sassiness about her! I wonder what shoes she'll choose today?

Walk Now for Autism

2008-11-06T20:04:00.001-08:00

On October 18th, 29 of my friends and family gathered to do the Walk Now for Autism event in honor of my son Nolan and brother Will. Thanks to everyone, we raised over $800! I was so touched looking around at everyone who came out to walk with us and support us. Over 10,000 people showed up for the event, and I couldn't help but think of the families that couldn't physically come due to their child being severely affected by autism. It just felt so good doing something positive. Putting my efforts into something that will hopefully make a difference in my son and brother's lives replaced all of the frustrations we've been feeling. I am so incredibly proud of the both of them for living with this disorder everyday and overcoming challenges that we couldn't even imagine. Thank you to all of my family and friends who have been so supportive!

It Wasn't Just the Setting...

2008-10-28T20:35:00.000-07:00

It's hard to believe Gary and I have been back from our vacation for exactly 2 weeks. It seems like a dream. Actually it was my dream vacation, in the United States that is. Going to visit the east coast during "leaf peeping" season has always been a dream of mine. We flew in on a Saturday morning to Manchester, New Hampshire and drove up the coast of Maine from there. From the beginning we felt so adventurous. We just had two destinations for the trip and the rest was up to us. Our first stop along the road was Old Orchard Beach, Maine which was the scene of the robbery. A seagull stole my huge fresh piece of pizza right out of my hand as we were gazing at the Atlantic ocean.
After driving on up the coast of Maine through unbelievably beautiful picturesque little villages, we arrived at our first destination, The Trinity B&B on the Ocean in Owl's Head, Maine. We enjoyed our stay here including our breakfast the next morning with a New York City cab driver and his wife who were also guests at the inn. I just loved meeting and visiting with people from this area of our country. So interesting!

Right down the road from our B&B was our first lighthouse excursion. We hiked up to Owl's Head lighthouse and we were the only ones up there, and it was really secluded. If we would have known then what we know now,we would have been nervous. The other day we just saw this exact lighthouse on the travel channel for haunted lighthouses. Too bad we don't believe in that stuff!
One thing that stood out to me like a beacon in the light, was all of the New England church steeples jutting elegantly up towards the sky. They rose above everything else in the little villages we drove through. They were so symbolic and peaceful to me.

After one more night in Maine in Bar Harbor, near Acadia National Park, we headed back down the coast of Maine to explore a little bit of New Hampshire. While visiting some covered bridges there, I just kept thinking, "I miss my children, but I'm not ready to leave this beautiful place!" But, not only did I not want to leave New England, I was more sad about leaving this time alone that I had with Gary. It wasn't just the setting of our trip that was wonderful, it was also the time I had with him. We had so much fun, and pretty much joked and laughed the whole trip. I told him just today, that one of my favorite memories of our vacation was when we were driving up the coast and out of the blue he just looked over at me and said, "You're so beautiful." He still finds me beautiful after 13 years of marriage! Or maybe the glaring sun blurred his vision.:) I just have to say this vacation was worth every penny, because an investment in our marriage is priceless.

The Power of Scent

2008-10-16T18:47:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I posted. Things have calmed down with Nolan. I am now refreshed from a wonderful vacation with my husband to New England. Stay tuned for vacation highlights....

I have been wanting to share another poem of mine that accompanies a piece of artwork I did for an assignment. Yes, I did say an assignment. I co-founded an art club 9 years ago where we get together and present our art. Usually we have an "assignment" or inspiration. The inspiration for this work was creating a piece having to do with our favorite scent. One of my favorite scents is the smell of coffee. Ooh, how comforting. I also wrote a poem on the power of scent.

You're all wrapped up
In a bowl of something
From your past,
Where a cup overflowing
With the scent
Of a better tomorrow,
Envelops your inner-being with promises.
An open window beckons
Your soul for a piece
Of life,
And your mind and body
Are overcome with the
Feeling of calmness and joy:
You are surrounded by love.

A Difficult Week

2008-09-28T19:13:00.000-07:00

Ugh, this week has been especially difficult with Nolan. After a couple of days of repeated meltdowns, I found myself starting to have a meltdown. With my hubby working nights, I was dealing with this solo. At one point I started crying and silently muttered to myself, "I can't take this anymore." I found myself even wondering, "Why can't he be a typical child? Why does he have to have autism?" I just don't usually go there and ask those questions very often. I love, adore, and appreciate Nolan for who he is, just as he is. God made him this way for a reason. And I am so proud of him, so proud of his uniqueness. But there are those dark times when I question the difficulties. On Friday at the end of this LONG week, Nolan had his first art therapy class with a small group of children who all have autism. Seeing these beautiful children was just what I needed! Being around other special children like Nolan and their mothers felt so comforting. Nolan even made a strong connection with another child! As I go into this next week with a little uncertainty of how it's going to go, I am trying to remain strong and positive. I am hopeful he will snap out of it. If he doesn't.....well I might need another girl's night out this weekend!:)

Running Like the Wind

2008-09-16T19:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I haven't been running fast, per say. But I have been running quite a lot lately. Typically, I try to run three times a week with one day of cross-training. But with this nice weather I think I might get in 20 miles this week of running! My husband's new evening work schedule means I can steal a run while him and Alaina are down for their naps. Oh how running is so therapeutic for me. I pop in my ipod with my Christian and folk music and I am in another world. The wind blowing at my back and the sun kissin' my face. This is my favorite time of year with the leaves changing and the air turning fresh and crisp. Perfect running weather! A bonus is those times when I have good company to run with. We have deep and meaningful conversations along with lots of laughter and even crying occasionally. Yes, you heard me right, I have cried while running. There are times when we could be running for 2 hours if we are doing a longer run. This is such a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level. And we've also prayed while running. Running for me is so much more than exercise. It is a breath of fresh air for my soul!

Letting Go

2008-09-09T19:07:00.000-07:00

I am trying to let go of some things as a mother. Like choosing all three of my kids' outfits. I've been blessed with unpicky kids, when it comes to appearance. I've always matched their outfits, chosen their shoes, or atleast gently suggested choosing certain pairs of shoes that satisfied my taste. I might say, "How about these, these are cool." Somehow I turned into a clothes and shoes salesman with my children. And it's like they're little dolls for me to dress up. So it was really hard for me to let go recently, when my older son Brendan wanted to get his hair cut really short. At first he mentioned it occasionally and I would just brush it off. Then he became more persistent. My husband and I joked, "Isn't this scenario usually the other way around with the kid wanting to grow his hair long?" We loved his long hair, his beautiful auburn locks. But it was making him hot, getting in his eyes, and becoming a pain to style everyday. So we gave in and I had to come to the realization that this is a good thing, him having his own preference on his appearance. Him having an opinion and wanting to be seen and heard. It's not like he wanted a tattoo or piercing. But oh, how it's hard to let go!

Art Washes Away From the Soul, the Dust of Everyday Life

2008-09-01T19:21:00.000-07:00

This is one of my favorite quotes. It defines what art does for me. Not just enjoying and appreciating art, but actually creating it. God's creation is everywhere. I am so inspired by the things he has created for our enjoyment. I drive at sunset and marvel at the magnificent colors. I try to memorize them and want so badly to capture the moment in a painting. It's hard to explain, but I long to create, and having a family makes this hard. So as the first day of school was approaching, I thought maybe with the boys gone I would have time to paint. I started to look forward to painting on a huge canvas I have had for about 2 years that has been collecting dust in my basement. The only thing delaying "P Day" (painting day) was the expense of buying more paints and a few new brushes. Well, a few weeks ago my mom came across a box of several dozen tubes of oil paints for about $5 at a garage sale. Score! She graciously picked them up for me, so now I have my paint. Now the hard part is deciding what to paint. I am most inspired by nature. But I have also been wanting to paint scenes from other countries. I am nervous, and whenever I start a project, there is a fear that it won't turn out the way I envision it to turn out. I have been doing art for around 17 years now and I still fear failure every time. The actual process of doing art is so fulfilling and I encourage everyone to find some way to be creative. It is so therapeutic. Whether it be drawing, painting, music, writing, or photography, I truly believe everyone is creative in some way or another. So find something you love, and go out there and create!

I Am Free

2008-08-20T20:49:00.001-07:00

I am new to this blogging thing and I have been a little intimidated each time I have posted. Well, someone suggested that I could post anything, including poems that I have written. The poems I have written are not spectacular by any means but do come straight from my heart. I belong to a poetry writing group that meets monthly. This consists mostly of me listening to amazing poems written by amazing women. Occasionally I do give it a try and write a poem. Our assignment for this one was to write a poem giving ourselves permission to do or let go of certain things. It was very freeing for me to write this. Maybe I will apply this philosophy to my blog writing.

I Am Free

I am free to write poetry without fear of unwanted discoveries;
Thoughts and feelings exposing me for all to see.

I am free to have true opinions and thoughts without apologies, this is me;
Knowing what is absolutely true in the face of adversity.

I am free to have imperfect children, to be an imperfect wife and mother;
Attitudes and appearances coming forth, real and authentic like no others.

I am free to let go of insignificant details clouding my mind;
Fretting and worrying, taking up precious time.

I am free to disregard what other people think, to eliminate comparisons;
Thinking for myself, living up to my own standards.

I am free to be in my own body, dents, ripples, valleys, and mountains all in their perfect place;
Unkept hair and an unmake-uped face.

I am free to dance without inhibitions and regrets;
Insecurities vanish as I twirl around fancy free, performing perfect pirouettes.

I am free to just BE, to breath and to live;
Content with how He made me, what He gave me is all I need to give.

Broken Buildings, Broken Cars, Broken Dreams, and a Broken Heart

2008-08-06T20:08:00.000-07:00

The Ripley's Believe It or Not Museum, A.K.A. "The Broken Building" and a broken car up on "jacks"

Around here we hear a lot about broken things. We hear about broken buildings, broken cars, and broken ceilings on a daily, often hourly basis. You may be asking yourself, "Huh?" Well this is because our 5 year old son Nolan has autism. So along with this disorder comes obsessions and fixations. He has many of them, right now it's broken things. We often have to drive certain routes to see broken cars. Yes folks, there happens to be a car up on jacks down the road that has been that way for a month. I live in rural Kansas, what do you expect!? So sometimes it's just worth it to go that extra mile, literally, to please him. He often asks for so little, and he takes joy in such simple things. When we heard the word Autism, our hearts and dreams for him were broken. Now, we are building new dreams for him. He is such a jolly freckly faced fellow, and we couldn't imagine him any other way. I personally am trying to choose the path of hope and optimism, instead of the path of bitterness and what could have beens. So let me introduce you to one of the joys of my life, Nolan.

Passion in Paradise

2008-07-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, here's how it all started. Junior High gym class, 1989, Mrs. Lobb FORCED us fragile, developing girls to try and run an 8 minute mile. I finished the mile and yes, it took me longer than 8 minutes. At the end of it, I was doubled-over, red-faced, and feeling horrible. For the next 8 years, I loathed running and was content to walk for my exercise. Then in 1997, while living in Hawaii, a friend of mine took me under her wing and ran 1/4 of a mile with me, slowly but surely. The rest is history. My love and passion for running began then, while I was living in Hawaii. Before I knew it, I was up to a mile. Part of the motivation was that I would run from our base housing to the beach and back. Since that summer of 1997, I have ran 1 full marathon, 5 half marathons, and several 5Ks and 10Ks. Running is my happy drug of choice. If I met up with Mrs. Lobb today, I might say, "Because of you, I missed out on 8 years of good running!"