A Difficult Week

Ugh, this week has been especially difficult with Nolan. After a couple of days of repeated meltdowns, I found myself starting to have a meltdown. With my hubby working nights, I was dealing with this solo. At one point I started crying and silently muttered to myself, "I can't take this anymore." I found myself even wondering, "Why can't he be a typical child? Why does he have to have autism?" I just don't usually go there and ask those questions very often. I love, adore, and appreciate Nolan for who he is, just as he is. God made him this way for a reason. And I am so proud of him, so proud of his uniqueness. But there are those dark times when I question the difficulties. On Friday at the end of this LONG week, Nolan had his first art therapy class with a small group of children who all have autism. Seeing these beautiful children was just what I needed! Being around other special children like Nolan and their mothers felt so comforting. Nolan even made a strong connection with another child! As I go into this next week with a little uncertainty of how it's going to go, I am trying to remain strong and positive. I am hopeful he will snap out of it. If he doesn't.....well I might need another girl's night out this weekend!:)

Running Like the Wind

Ok, so I haven't been running fast, per say. But I have been running quite a lot lately. Typically, I try to run three times a week with one day of cross-training. But with this nice weather I think I might get in 20 miles this week of running! My husband's new evening work schedule means I can steal a run while him and Alaina are down for their naps. Oh how running is so therapeutic for me. I pop in my ipod with my Christian and folk music and I am in another world. The wind blowing at my back and the sun kissin' my face. This is my favorite time of year with the leaves changing and the air turning fresh and crisp. Perfect running weather! A bonus is those times when I have good company to run with. We have deep and meaningful conversations along with lots of laughter and even crying occasionally. Yes, you heard me right, I have cried while running. There are times when we could be running for 2 hours if we are doing a longer run. This is such a wonderful opportunity to get to know someone on a deeper level. And we've also prayed while running. Running for me is so much more than exercise. It is a breath of fresh air for my soul!

Letting Go

I am trying to let go of some things as a mother. Like choosing all three of my kids' outfits. I've been blessed with unpicky kids, when it comes to appearance. I've always matched their outfits, chosen their shoes, or atleast gently suggested choosing certain pairs of shoes that satisfied my taste. I might say, "How about these, these are cool." Somehow I turned into a clothes and shoes salesman with my children. And it's like they're little dolls for me to dress up. So it was really hard for me to let go recently, when my older son Brendan wanted to get his hair cut really short. At first he mentioned it occasionally and I would just brush it off. Then he became more persistent. My husband and I joked, "Isn't this scenario usually the other way around with the kid wanting to grow his hair long?" We loved his long hair, his beautiful auburn locks. But it was making him hot, getting in his eyes, and becoming a pain to style everyday. So we gave in and I had to come to the realization that this is a good thing, him having his own preference on his appearance. Him having an opinion and wanting to be seen and heard. It's not like he wanted a tattoo or piercing. But oh, how it's hard to let go!

Art Washes Away From the Soul, the Dust of Everyday Life

This is one of my favorite quotes. It defines what art does for me. Not just enjoying and appreciating art, but actually creating it. God's creation is everywhere. I am so inspired by the things he has created for our enjoyment. I drive at sunset and marvel at the magnificent colors. I try to memorize them and want so badly to capture the moment in a painting. It's hard to explain, but I long to create, and having a family makes this hard. So as the first day of school was approaching, I thought maybe with the boys gone I would have time to paint. I started to look forward to painting on a huge canvas I have had for about 2 years that has been collecting dust in my basement. The only thing delaying "P Day" (painting day) was the expense of buying more paints and a few new brushes. Well, a few weeks ago my mom came across a box of several dozen tubes of oil paints for about $5 at a garage sale. Score! She graciously picked them up for me, so now I have my paint. Now the hard part is deciding what to paint. I am most inspired by nature. But I have also been wanting to paint scenes from other countries. I am nervous, and whenever I start a project, there is a fear that it won't turn out the way I envision it to turn out. I have been doing art for around 17 years now and I still fear failure every time. The actual process of doing art is so fulfilling and I encourage everyone to find some way to be creative. It is so therapeutic. Whether it be drawing, painting, music, writing, or photography, I truly believe everyone is creative in some way or another. So find something you love, and go out there and create!